Random……..

Today,i start writing this blog , embarking on the journey to find my own way of acquiring the true meaning of life . Should i start with some review for books , in some of which i have found what is known as ” the wisdom of human beings ” ? Aw, my mind wanders again.Okay now back to the main point . Let me dig back what has motivated me to go on such an journey. Music i said ? Or is it just the mere intention of  proving to myself ( and other people you may think ) that i can actually write. In retrospect, this blog serves simply as an incentive for me to achieve the pursuit of complacency. Lately i have unintentionally read an article in a newspaper ” what is happiness ?” That ‘s still quite a sophisticated question.It is said that the journey to happiness of humankind has originated very long time ago. Satisfaction is within the reach of an ordinary person , yet he fails to remain cognitive  of his invaluable possession and instead constantly searches for something considered to be more meaningful , or in other words, something “big ” . The same case for me this time. The ambivalence which i find myself struggling with has taken root deep inside my soul. The world keeps spinning , the birds keep singing , and i keep asking for more. There were times when i wanted to treat myself to a thorough relaxation , to give myself the tranquil of mind , to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottomed boat  and thus gaining more profound insights into my dream-to-be.My dreams vary distinctively through different periods of time and under a variety of forms. There were times when i lifted my hands and prayed to be that person who, with her innate ability, would bring peace to the world and rescue the poor from abject poverty; there were times when i dreamed of becoming a ballet dancer who could  dance her own dances with her self-written classical melodies; there were also times when i wished to silently disappear under a sudden rain on a lonely summer day , thus escaping all the responsibility of an exemplary child,the crisis of life , or in fact  the complicated  yet highly artificial society i’m dwelling myself into. I like giving myself questions; however, i have never truly brought about any proper answers.It’s difficult to realize your self-worth in the environment where you cant even raise your voice and be anomalous. They said :’ Don’t be a coward, don’t be afraid, live your life as vividly and joyfully as if you had been born to taste the sweetness of this easily crumbled world. ” I did try ,indeed, but ended up giving myself every reason to withdraw from the initial itinerary. Plans have been set , but my mind has not been ready to take up and face up against the harshness and entanglement presented out there. The trip to find the happiness of my life is deterred by my own procrastination as well as my deepest fear of being exposed to reality.     

"Is that ship built for my voyage ?"

“Was that ship built for my voyage ?”

     There was once when i read a story about  the journey of a band of rabbits setting out on their trip to the new land , where they can enjoy the invariably available source of food and live an unconcerned life with alacrity . They left their homeland with almost absolute no regret , or maybe deep down in their little hearts lies a very tiny amount of nostalgia. They started the trip even before the sun shed its very first light on the grasslands of the majestic yet mystic valley. They encountered many exotic creatures they had never seen ,or even heard of , before. Every river they saw was bigger than that of their country ;every current of the rivers was fiercer , but it was without doubt that all the foreign lands they’d undergone didn’t embrace them like they had expected , and none of the many creatures they saw opened their arms to welcome them into their home .That is almost the first half of the book , which takes more than 245 pages talking about the rabbits’ bewilderment and utmost derangement for their unforeseeable future.Ironically,i found myself in the sketchy image of the rabbits  . I found myself lost in the obscurity of the thick fog in front of me. It feels like i’m covered by persecution coming from the world out there. I’m afraid of trying , of  seeing and most miserably , of being. Life is tiresome. T he dark of night gives me a scent of ominousness. The brightness of the day gives me no shelve to hide from the public eye. Scare , that is the only word exists in my mind right now . And still , i can’t get it out of my head……..

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